I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
