Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize