Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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