I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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