Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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