the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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