My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
