omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
