After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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