i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
