It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
