Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
