Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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