Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
