My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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