Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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