I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
