What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
