I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
