Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
