don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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