you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
pray to the hookup gods
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
