Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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