Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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