Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
