New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
