nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
do nipples grow back?
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