I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
