it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
