Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
