Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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