i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
