So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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