We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
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