Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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