I hate all girls vehemently.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
