I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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