Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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