Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
