Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
