I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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