Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
