Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize