Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
