i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
