I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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