Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
