The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
