Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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