OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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