dude i'm inner monologue high
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
