Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
