I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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