i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
