I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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