I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
