I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Naked Twister starts at high noon
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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