Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Houston, we have a blender
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
