it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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