You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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