A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
