Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
