just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
