the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
